Navy to Explore Resurrecting the F-14 Tomcat to Replace the F-35

Under condition of anonymity, a senior-level official with the Navy has informed TACAIRNET that the service intends on bringing the F-14 Tomcat back from the graveyard to replace the delayed F-35C carrier variant of the Lightning II stealth strike fighter. The Tomcat was retired from the US Navy in 2006, just over eleven years ago, having been superseded by the F/A-18E/F Super Hornet, a multirole fighter which has more than proven itself over the past thirteen years as an effective carrier-based fighter/attack platform. The Lightning II has seen a considerable number of program setbacks and failures, as described by Luis Jenkins, a defense researcher on, the world’s most trusted source of military technology analysis.

“It just sucks, man, it can’t even fly, it can’t fire its guns, it costs $500 million to build, and we just need a new fighter that can do what the Navy needs it to do,” said Jenkins in an on-the-record phone interview with TACAIRNET. “They shouldn’t even call it the F-35, bro, they should call it the Loser-35. ‘Cause that’s what it is. Get it?”

Persian Gulf (Nov. 5, 2005) – An F-14D Tomcat, assigned to the “Tomcatters” of Fighter Squadron Three One (VF-31), conducts a mission over the Persian Gulf-region. (U.S. Air Force photo by Tech. Sgt. Rob Tabor, released)

The aforementioned Navy official confided in us that after seeing a significant amount of negative comments on social media directed towards the F-35 program, which expects to reach full rate production in the near future, Naval Air Systems Command (NAVAIR) began to have serious doubts about buying their variant of the stealth fighter. So much so that at an acceptance ceremony for a new F-35C test model, the NAVAIR representative due to formally take charge of the aircraft from Lockheed Martin seemingly got cold feet, leaving the fighter, its builders and a man dressed up as a priest standing in shocked silence at the figurative altar.

The Navy official, in a discussion with us, said: “We’re looking towards the future of fighter aviation in the Navy, and the future is in the past. That’s why we want to bring back the Tomcat. Those armchair generals… err.. excuse me, admirals, on the internet clearly know more about the needs of the Navy than the Navy itself.” In the details forwarded to TACAIRNET, it appears that the Navy will not commission a contractor  to rebuild Tomcats from whatever parts are leftover after the aircraft was phased out of service, but instead carry out the entire project in-house using Navy personnel.

Pula, Croatia (Oct. 24, 2002) — An F-14B “Tomcat” assigned to the Fighter Squadron One Zero Three (VF-103) “Jolly Rogers” takes off from the runway at the Croatian Air Force base near Pula, Croatia. (U.S. Navy photo by Journalist 2nd Class David Valdez, released).

“We don’t really have much to go on, they destroyed most of the Tomcats and sent the rest to museums, since we didn’t want the Iranians to get their hands on parts,” says the unnamed Navy official. Since the Department of Defense ordered all Tomcats to be dismantled and shredded, the Navy will temporarily retask scores of sailors into parts collection teams. These specialized teams will go door to door and Walmart to Walmart, collecting razor blades, beer cans, tins, and other consumer products which were, once upon a time, one of the most capable fighter aircraft ever built.

“We’ll then take the best and brightest engineers graduating from the Naval Academy and have them sit in hangars, give them print outs of Tomcat pictures, and have them put these fantastic aircraft back together piece by piece. Whoever builds a Tomcat first will be given command of their very own Littoral Combat Ship. Whoever builds two will get an Arleigh Burke-class destroyer… and whoever fails to build us our Tomcats, you’ll be stripped of your commission; you’re clearly not cut out to be an officer in the most advanced naval fighting force in the world!”

Hundreds of US Naval Academy graduates cheering upon learning that they’ll be spending the first four years of their service in the Navy trying to rebuild F-14 Tomcats from beer cans, empty tins of Chef Boyardee and cooking tinfoil. (U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 2nd Class Daniel J. McLain, released)

Lieutenant Commander Frank “Shark” Phelps, a career Super Hornet pilot, was shocked by the move. “The Tomcat is great and all, yeah, but there’s a reason we retired it to begin with.” The F-14 was originally removed from the fleet due to steadily decreasing readiness levels, high operational and support costs and general inflexibility on modular upgrades, which the Super Hornet addresses and solves nearly completely. “I mean sure, the F-35 has its problems, but bringing  back that old relic? Are they stupid? Those idiots have been huffing chemtrails again, haven’t they…”

The US Navy will procure one F-14 by April 1, 2018, from the Smithsonian’s National Air & Space Museum, and will have it refurbished to flight status soon after. Smithsonian officials expressed extreme reluctance at giving up their sole Tomcat on display, a participant in the second Gulf of Sidra Incident (1989) credited with a MiG kill. When we asked the anonymous Navy official how NAVAIR intends on acquiring this Tomcat, which hasn’t flown in years, he responded: “We’ll devise some form of competition and have them wager it. If we win, we get the Tomcat. If they win, we’ll give them a Gerald Ford-class carrier.”

He and other top-level officials are still deliberating whether or not an arm-wrestling contest would suffice between the Director of the Smithsonian and the Chief of Naval Operations. The entire program is expected to cost over $2 trillion USD over the next ten years, and will be funded by a revitalized Girl Scout cookies and snacks sales regimen. It is projected that around 100 boxes of Thin Mint cookies will pay for either one set of ejection seat cushions, or the forty rivets to be used on the aircraft during construction.

Happy April Fools! Or, rather, not so happy for some of you when you realize the Tomcat is never coming back.


37 thoughts on “Navy to Explore Resurrecting the F-14 Tomcat to Replace the F-35

    1. Having personal insight into Grumman Aircraft and my father having been an airframe engineer for Grumman till it’s demise in 94 to 96 all I can say is blame Dick Cheney the man who says he’s for The American Military and know he personally destroyed Grumman and killed the Tomcat 21 or better known as Quickstrike. If you are not familiar with that aircraft and love the 14 please look it up and to any lovers of the 15 or what I call (The Bug) this aircraft was not built because it simply blew the doors off anything we had @ the time or our enemies abroad.PS I was accepted into Annapolis in the summer of 83 and my father said I had to tell my mom, she freaked so I never went but I kick myself in the (a&&) still @ 51 years of age. I don’t think the Tom can be duplicated sadly as Dick again killed (The best of the best – Grumman) each craft they made was built with love and Long Island pride (family built) you can’t seem to find that anymore today..Al


    2. the f-14 with todays tech, it would be better than a f-35 that has doubts at best, the navy needs an interceptor and the tomcat was made to be just that.


    3. The US Navy said that they will never go to a single engine aircraft the F35 is not up to the capabilities of the F14. If it ain’t broke they shouldn’t have to tried to fix it BRING BACK THE DOGS OF WAR BRING BACK THE F14S


  1. What is this website? You’re quoting some dude from reddit as the “world’s most trusted source of military technology analysis.” I seriously can’t tell if this is some kind of Duffel Blog esque joke, or just plain fake news. Yikes.




    1. Isn’t the F22 Raptor already in service? The Raptor is an Air Force plane isn’t it, not carrier based or equipt? Do you mean the F35 Lightning II program? If so then yes yes yes replace the F35 with an F15 silent eagle style version of the F14.


      1. WTF are you talking about. The F14 and the F15 are completely different aircraft.


      2. Read the post properly dude, I know that they are different planes (DUH!!) I meant an F15 silent eagle “style” version of the F14 with reduced radar signature and internal mounted missiles.


  3. Fucking cruel april fool!!! Bring back the F14!! most beautiful and captivating fighter jet ever built. Bring one back to full capability (armed with the pheonix missle) and put it up against the f35 or f/a18. We’ll see who’s the fool then……………..


  4. When they chose the F18 to replace both the Grumman A6 and F14 it was a compromise in what both aircraft were capable of . The F35 C (Navy) version is another compromise by the bean counters in Washington who never look back to see that you can’t have one platform the fits every service. The F35 is a fantastic plane for the Air Force and Marines but not the Navy.
    The F35 will never be able to accomplish what the F14 and A6 could deliver . But yes these platforms are obsolete so the Navy needs a New Air Superiority Fighter capable of fleet Defense , 2 engines and a rugged Airframe to absorb those carrier landings . Perhaps a Hybrid of the F35 & F22 ?


  5. April Fools Day, however, all F-14 readiness and performance data used in comparative of the F-14 vs. the F/A-18 and F-35 are based on F-14A data, no F-14B or D data allowed. When the F/A-18A couldn’t meet its’ design specifications for low level mission range, the Navy simply adjusted the design specs to what the aircraft could meet. All F-14 aircraft at museums are still owned by the US Navy and are simple on loan to the museum displaying the aircraft. Only 2, possibly 3, F-14D aircraft exist with F110 engines and NACES escape system installed, one at the NASM near Dulles Airport, one at the Naval Aviation Museum, Pensacola and possibly a 3rd in storage at the NAVSUP Detachment at Davis Mothan AFB, Tucson, AZ.


  6. My father started in Grumman Aerospace in 65 as an accountant – and in 2 years was asked to go 2 school 4 engineering (should mention he was a mechanic/pilot 4 the USAF- his first project the 14 but his love – the A6 – I’ll say it was Dick Cheney who personally saw Grumman’s demise as he had a blowout with a Grumman employee while he worked under Reagan and used that to Destroy Grumman when he became VP – a personal vendetta if u will – as a result some 23,000 families were bankrupt – broke – including mine cuz of that awful human being – the Tomcat was an amazing aircraft and is to this day as you’ll never be able to duplicate that bird or any other Grumman product. Won’t ever happen sad to say there was a reason Grumman was called: The Iron Works – their product was the best of the best – not crap 💩 as in Hornets, Raptors or whatever an F-35 is called – meaning it could fly at amazing speed, maintain it without flying apart. PS I can write this as I made my father proud in 83?by getting accepted to Annapolis to Fly the 14. Anyway great article and thanks 4 remembering Grumman – my hope is a new Grumman is built on Long Island 1 day with the same pride as my fathers generation- my best..Al




  8. My father started in Grumman in 1965 as an accountant – my father has that unique gift of taking dog sh@@ and turning it into a functional table. Lerory Grumman capitalized on that talent by sending my father to engineering school here on LI – his reward: the airframe of the 14 in 1969. Dick Cheney rewarded Grumman as he had a personal vendetta against it by making up numerous lies about it being a horrible aircraft and destroying the cats reputation for being the best of the best to your/our congress. Our govt now has a crappy overpriced and underachieving bug or a poorly manufactured 500 mil and still not flying piece of garbage F-35 – To Donald Trump and the US NAVY – if u really want to bring the CAT BACK – bring Grumman back to LI – we know how to build real aircraft – anything else is just Domino’s Pizza as compared to a good NY Pie – ps Was accepted to Annapolis in 83 to fly the Cat but my mom freaked & talked me out of it – All True,every word Al


  9. Yeah.. This was not funny. The F-14 is a bird we need back more than ever. I’m pretty sure allot of the Navy personnel feel the same way.


  10. Does’nt the US Airforce have F14s’, i mean, i know they use the tomcats as their aggressor’s squadron?, i saw a couple of pictures of the US Airforce using tomcats in Iranian paint scheme to simulate the Iranian Airforce. I know the US Airforce has a couple of them?, they are training the Airforce pilots on how to deal with Iranian pilots when the time comes the US Airforce has to face in combat the Iranians which have the Tomcats? I know they’re, ( the Airforce Tomcats where spared of the destruction or scrapped by dick chaney and the Congress? ). Can anyone out there confirm these?. I do know, and really i mean it that the US Airforce have F14 Tomcats in their disposal as an adversarry aircraft for training their pilots in the event that they get to clash with Iran?


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